• *Playfully stick finger in girlfriend.*
  • Me: .....You horny?
  • Her: ...Nah dude we're watching discovery channel.
  • Me: Check yourself.


The problem is that I was a drunk.
And there are very few jobs a man can have professionally when he is a drunk, especially if he’s dedicated to it.

The only bastion left is normally a bar or pub. For no one really cares if someone’s drunk in one, even if they happen to be working at the moment. Only in some form of working, pouring drinks, or owning said bar was it acceptable to act this way.

And I was too busy drinking to ask for a job.



Rob is white girling hard today.
First he said “I could really go for a spinach wrap right now.”
And now he’s drinking moscato from a Mason jar.



I went to hug rob’s booty and guess what he did

just guess

he farted right in my face.

I can’t even really be mad because it was actually hilarious and I’ve never seen him laugh so hard.